The other week, I was watching a TED video of a woman, someone maybe famous I do not know, who spoke about going after what we want. In my weak attempt at summarizing, she noted that we stop ourselves from doing whatever it is that we really desire, pushing aside and squashing ideas within the first 5 seconds instead of entertaining them. At least that's what I got out of it. (edit: video is now embedded at the end of this entry, thanks to The Native Homesteader!)
The video came at the heels of a previous entry, where I came face to face with my own fears by allowing myself to be put out of my comfort zone, to end bad patterns, to be more human, to take more chances. And so since then, I have been making grand efforts to stay true to my goals.
With grand being a relative term, I set out for new adventures. Trying things I never would even go for and having just a little bit of a looser grip on my life in general.
A fellow writer/blogger also decided to do something similar and I must admit, I was elated. I had someone to share my war wounds with!
And because life doesn't wait around, I dove right into the pool of uncomfortability. There was no way to do it but jump right in. I couldn't let the five seconds pass, just like the TED video said! I was going to listen to my gut and my heart, whichever screamed the loudest.
In the past 2 weeks, I practiced at new studios, even a different kind of yoga. I signed up for the most random things and finally got that orchid I was too scared to take care of.
I reorganized my closet. I bought clothing that did not have Lycra or spandex and would not be found on any yoga clothing websites.
I had wine on a weeknight. I wore lipstick and accepted almost every invitation came my way despite my mind screaming 'no, don't go.'
And this morning, as I stood waiting to get seated with the audience at the Marilyn Denis show (one of the things I spontaneously signed up for), I saw Charles the Butler, an endeared expert whose knowledge of cleaning makes this neat freak's heart skip a beat.
Before I could stop myself, I told him I was there to see him, not anyone else. The first few seconds garnered a gasp from myself, not believing I had become a teenage groupie who just saw her favourite rock star. Then I smiled a silly grin, letting go of any judgments and laughed at myself. After I had run away from him quickly, of course. But I did not get very far, because somehow, the universe had seen my cards, called my bluff, and raised the bet. By the end of the hour, I was on TV, albeit very briefly - something I absolutely would never in my wildest dreams, ever do. I'm even blushing just writing about it.
So what have I gained so far?
In just a short amount of time, I rediscovered the meaning of spontaneity.
I learned that I'm a better baker than I had thought, after suffering through a full seven minutes the baking demo that I signed up for (even yogis have their limits).
I stood my ground, heard my voice, and took control without being cold and cruel in the process.
I ended relationships that were way past their expiration dates.
I trusted my instincts more than I did before, especially within those first five seconds. I listened to my heart and allowed myself to figure out what I really wanted, even if it meant it was something I also feared.
I've been more honest to myself, and to those around me. And because of that, I've been having fun, laughing even at the most awkward moment when I walked to work with a shovel over my shoulder.
I had won it from the show, among other things.